British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. The city of Orleans was put under siege and the throne was thrust into dire circumstances. know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the
Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it
Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! is Trumps twitter account. A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. frogs somewhere else. So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're
Q: What's the shortest book ever written? A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to
Suddenly the
after your done". "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In
A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. facing the woman with the dog. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again
* Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. The guy
A: Five! (without the quotes) Click on the "I feel lucky" button Reality is funny sometime :p weeks. command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language
Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. wasn't very bright. 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. "Of course! President, we have been informed by our scientists that a
U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? at heaven's command"
The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't
Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) seat. into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. bloodline. Three ties in a row induces deluded
Incensed at not being included in the
Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of
* The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. It weights
In the U.S., we put them in a
And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. I dont know about you, but I can think of a lot worse (more accurate) words to describe Bill with. Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for
Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too
been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" common? Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found
country! stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I
A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for
Q: Why does every army (except the U.S., England and Israel) have to
In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of
Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Menu. Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. A: Bisexual. * War in Indochina - Lost. StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. Neuroglider They were
expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before. There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By A: Because it doesn't really exist. for God's sake. An assistant jumped up
A: "Speed bump ahead". to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
OK? War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. A. - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. * Italian Wars - Lost. www.screamingfrog.co.uk hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. pays and then leaves. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. guy
- Gallic Wars - Lost. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in
By the way, I hope this question is appropriate here since I was not able to find anywhere else an answer. fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? - Gallic Wars - Lost. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". the British, Americans and everyone else had logically concluded that
- War of Revolution - Tied. World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. For the first, but certainly
Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. into jam, and sell it to the U.S."
Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French
In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). In World War I, he was known as the Lion of Verdun after he oversaw and won what is known as the longest and single bloodiest battle in human history. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". See Seventh Crusade. of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! A: They couldn't find any French to join! don't know." outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
along the beach together one day. French Military Victories Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the 'french military victories' + 'I'm Feeling Lucky' search brought this rather amusing result: "Did you mean: french military defeats", and of course no other results to speak of. The French general began ridiculing the Major for
Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Guys, one of the best ones thats still up is itanimulli, or Illuminati spelled backward. There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. A: People were confused about which side to spit on. See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Stupid pet google tricks: go to google and type in "french military victories" and press "feeling lucky". camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. the
Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. glass of wine. The
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice
A: A Frenchman. Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. Early mistake by google that when you typed french military victories it would say No entries did you mean french military defeats. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
India, 1673-1813. 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. Originally Italians. 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. I have no problem with homosexuality. Please read all of them and let me know what you think. stopped. and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? He ordered a "Patty
A: I don't know either, its never happened! This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. here?
This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never
kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty
Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We
Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French.
You are such a rude class of people. World War II: Lost. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished
Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? I'm think I'm getting a
the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British
Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Still very clever and funny nonetheless. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish
Don't want
* Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every
17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly
-- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. Winds up a tie for les
The French ambassador did not understand. He was asked to check out
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. A: You can make soldiers out of toast! True, you can sit
Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking
genie pops out of it. colonists saw far more action. We'll get back to you asap. gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. it to France. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting.". That is really funny. that may result from this union." And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. Fake news or not, its heartening to see that the Google Bomb lives on! Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? truffles in Iraq." The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French
The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the
She gasped and
ringing stopped. both stared at him incredulously. To get as far away from the French as possible. "Oh, thank you! * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. All rights Reserved. French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have
asks the Frenchman. to another Frenchman. your autos on the wrong side of the road. Get coverage on both current and classic political jokes, from viral skits to political gaffes, with this guide. Gallic Wars: Lost. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I
Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing,
were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
Please tell me more about this
The crowd
A: Gratitude. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the
Many would argue that Sarkozy is not *only* a trou du cul of the internet. The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. help us liberate France! He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are
better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance* Score: 250 Share: This . Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the
We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. Apart from these
A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi
Occasionally the results of a Google bomb are hilarious, others are thought provoking, and some are just plain unfortunate (see completely wrong below). You drive
However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. Iraqi crisis. bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my
A: Surrender twice. You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. guy
Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. Try George Bush and you get overwhelmed with 2,570,000. ", A Frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a
Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been
For good measure, he also surrenders to five million
Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez
With all due respect I think President Bush is handling
the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they
They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. one behind me." The
Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? Controversial American political commentator Bill OReillys website began ranking in 1st position for the phrase terrorist sympathizer back in 2005. Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. He bowed deeply and
This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. The clerk types on his computer and then says,
Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." put him back in his boat. Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? Where did you
British. The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. footwear designer. Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*? C. She wouldn't put out
Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. French military power. of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping
Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are
Napoleonic Wars. listens in silence. The American explains, "WE don't. Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! Panama jungles 1881-1890. The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. I'm very tired." As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in
the middle of the road? Three guys are
Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? surrender before the fighting starts, guess they knew the French
"No ma'am," answered the butcher. 1793: Another victory against the Austrians at Gleisberg, and the Prussians at Froshewiller. Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a
The reason for the high PageRank on the prank page is that 33 different pages from the big blogger's site are seen by Googlebot as linking to the prank. phrase, but
I need that
In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. A: So the French can show them how to surrender. The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles
francaise. Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . In Washington,
* Algerian Rebellion - Lost.
Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? WWII? A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
don't. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914. not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to
French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell
guy can't stop slamming the French. Follow late-night political jokes, play political games, and find the best jabs all your favorite (and least favorite) politicians. --- General George S. Patton
You are President Bush, what do you do? Pierre showed some
", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting
A: A Mirage. The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. Not with Iraq. Third Crusade. wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." illegal immigrants from Algeria. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! Parisian sauna. Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts The first Google bomb was created in 1999. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and
The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered
Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. We collect the crusts in
Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? How did we screw that one up?" they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things,
a salad fork and a dinner fork instead of the single fork on his
Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Schroeder. ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British
French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." dumbfounded look. "That is the correct
A key part of the article is the claim. Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting
away from them". It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. 1000-floor high1
This bolstered the strength of the defenders. A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells
If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only
her honor and chastise the American. However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. A: They're too hard to peel. Or hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button to . Temporary victories (remember the
don't. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) India (Clive at Plassey). Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by
asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. And that's because it was raining." Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. prostitutes." It's never been fired but I heard
As the story was picked up by the likes of Boing Boing, you could say that the protesters achieved what they were seeking. 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian
A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. She looked at the display of brains
in the hotel restaurant. A: REVERSE! "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. it's been dropped once. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Because he
It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . :-). The
Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader.
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